Writing Process

New Year, (Re)New Me?

Mary Allegretta1 Comment

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions because, quite frankly, I am definitely someone who begins with the best of intentions and then fails almost immediately. There are obviously those things I want to do (and NEED to do) when January rolls around again each year: lose the weight I put on through the holidays, clean and organize my home, get back into a steady exercise routine, spend less time doom-scrolling through social feeds, etc. etc. You know the drill…

I will say with certainty that I will not set grandiose life-changing goals for 2022; however, I do want to spend more time doing things that make me feel more positive and whole.

How much happier would we be if we made, and kept, that one promise to ourselves?

Like many others, I was a giant stress magnet at the end of 2021. While I’m grateful that it was a personally good year and that I and my family made it through relatively healthy and unscathed, the last twelve (or – more accurately – the last 22) months doled out a fair amount of tough love. In reflection, I’m grateful that the pandemic gave me the introspection needed to reflect on those things that make me happy and those things that hold me down. To make a long story short, I went a little “Marie Kondo” on my psyche in December. I’m learning to let go of those things that used to make me happy, but for whatever reason, are stressful in the here and now. I am also learning that closing one door does not mean that I have to immediately open another. I will try not to fill gaps with other “stuff” (ie: trying to pick up a new hobby) and will instead try to focus on my day-to-day well being.

Regular Goodreads nerds like me might know that users can set a personal Reading Challenge for themselves at the beginning of each year, and there’s a nice social aspect in tracking your progress along with the progress of your reader-friends as you finish and rate titles. Last year I set a goal for 50 books and exceeded it by one. I’m not going to raise that number this year; actually, I’m backing off a bit. Though I read many incredible books last year, reading for pleasure took up a fair amount of my free time, which is always in short supply. That’s not a bad thing, but spending so much more time reading created an imbalance that left little space for writing. I’d like to fix that.

If you’re surprised that you’re seeing two blog posts from me this week, don’t be. One thing I’ve done successfully since beginning this blog was neglect it. This isn’t because I don’t have ideas. I do. It takes me a long time to get them on the page. As the words appear, I perseverate on revision. Instead of moving from one stage of the writing process to the next, I attempt to write and revise at once. I want to be careful about what I say, as to not say the “wrong” thing. I worry about how I might be perceived if I share my opinion on a debatable topic. I worry about whether or not my voice atrophied from lack of practice. I worry about using too many semicolons. I worry about still having the chops for this. Is it worth it? Or would I be better off writing in my notebook for an audience of one. Who is even reading this anyway?

Despite the negative self-talk above, I really enjoy writing. I’m convinced that making space for writing in 2022 will help me move in the direction of being that more positive and whole person I want to be.

So if I’m making a “resolution” for 2022, that’s it. There will not be a “new” me this year; I want to get back to the old me. To do that, I will create more space for writing. Maybe some of it will appear here, or maybe it will go into that notebook on my nightstand. Maybe I will finally take something from my dissertation and submit a journal article for publication. Maybe I will write a poem that doesn’t stink.

Or maybe it doesn’t matter if I do or don’t do any of these things, as long as I’m leveraging my free time to do something that makes me happy.

Photo by Startup Stock Photos on Pexels.com

Backdated Post: Autoethnography 

Mary AllegrettaLeave a comment

One of the assignments I wrote for a class in the Fall 2017 semester was an autoethnography, which was explained as an essay that presents one’s development as a leader-researcher, including a personal history of what led up to pursuing a Doctor of Education degree. 

I didn’t love the assignment. In fact, the first thing that came to mind was the infamous first line from Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye (1951): “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

I wanted to do something a little different than write some boring autobiography of “myself as a learner,” so I tried to get a little creative. I chose a word – “hustle” – and wrote about myself through the lens of its various meanings. 

Now some of this did get a little personal, as it was supposed to. I am leaving some of the personal family history stuff off of the Internet, but here are some excerpts safe for public consumption:

 

HUSTLER \ˈhə-slər\ noun

  1. A person adept at aggressive selling or illicit dealing (Oxford)

  2. A prostitute (Oxford)

I’ve never had a problem writing that first paragraph of my cover letter… the one where I market myself by sharing insights about the qualities that make me an ideal employee for such-and-such school district.

The one key detail that I wanted prospective employers to know about me is that I am a hustler.

You’re probably thinking that’s  poor word choice on my part, and I’m not surprised. The word “hustler” has negative connotations, despite the fact that not all noun forms “hustle” are negative. Your initial gut reaction to my use of the word connects directly to the background knowledge that activated as you read it. If you felt that I’ve made a poor choice of words to market myself, it’s because your personal context of the word is negative.

The definition of hustler provided above is from the OED, which I consider an authority when it comes to defining words for academic purposes. A definition from Cambridge is similar: “someone who tries to get something, usually money, by deceiving others.” Rest assured I am neither of these, but both dictionaries offer definitions of the word with negative connotations, which are noted to be connected with informal or colloquial speech in North America.

Simple Internet searches allowed me to examine the etymology of the word, tracing is back to its roots in Middle Dutch. Hutselen, used in the late 17th century, is an intransitive verb meaning “to shake or toss.” in 2010, Pennsylvania historian and vocabulary enthusiast Douglas Harper offers additional uses of the word in his Online Etymology Dictionary, defining “hustle” as a  “pushing activity” or an “activity in the interest of success,” which was a common use of the word in the late 1800s. Today, most people associate the word “hustler” with a “swindler” or a “crook.”

I’ll be honest, I do not write “I’m a hustler” in any cover letter or description of myself anywhere in any capacity. Instead, I will use the term only when speaking and will do so only if I sense that I’ve managed to build a new context of the term for my audience. If, by the end of the interview, I’ve convinced the recruitment team that I am a highly-motivated, driven individual who is willing to “roll up my sleeves and get to work” to further the mission and vision of the school district, then I have presented myself as intended.

HUSTLE (n.) a popular dance often connected with the disco-music era of the mid-to-late 1970s.

When I received a flyer from my building principal announcing that St. John’s University planned to offer a doctoral cohort within the district I was (and still am) in an awkward state of flux. Within the last three years, I have been “dancing” through a number of significant life changes. My parents decided to enjoy their retirement in Florida. As they sold their home in New York, I hired a realtor to list my small condominium knowing that I would need a home large enough to accomodate out-of-town guests. Before these decisions were made, I had already sent out resumes for administrative positions. Within the period of three months, I had a buyer on the condo, I had an offer from an outstanding new district, and I fell in love with a home just slightly out of my price range. In this instance, I ignored logic and moved purely on emotion, promising myself that I would “hustle” to make it happen. The thought of going back to school to get a Doctor of Education degree had intrigued me for years, but concerns about time commitment and financial investment at a time when time and money are particularly scarce prevented me from looking into the matter further. That is, until I showed up at the meeting advertised on the flyer and learned of the articulation agreement between Stony Brook University and St. John’s. Being able to start this program in media res made the big concerns much more manageable. In addition, kind colleagues who believe in me have graciously offered me their St. John’s University College Advantage Program credits to help me along in this journey.

The struggle now is managing my time so I can be an effective administrator and a successful student. But, similarly to how The Hustle is a choreographed sequence of events that loops until the song ends, as long as I am employed as an educator, literally or figuratively, I will also always be a learner. I believe I have selected a dissertation topic that not only taps into a personal area of interest, but also will help me to become more effective in my role as District English Chairperson.